Wine Recommendation from this Episode: 2016 Petite Syrah, Arndt Cellars, Paso Robles CA

My favorite wine is a bold red. I love Cabernets, Syrahs, Malbecs, Petite Syrah and everything in between. The bolder, the better.

I would consider myself to be like my fav wine, I would say I’m a bold, confident person, most of the time.

bōld / adjective: of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous.

What’s funny is I often say I’m not a risk-taker but people tell me I am since I started a business. There are certainly levels of risks you take when you start a business. I’ve invested in people, coaching, and systems; I’ve spoken on stages all over the world; I’ve launched products and services and some went great and others…not so much. So I guess you can say I’m a risk-taker, at least when it comes to business (now jumping out of an airplane…no way).

I’ve always felt that my superpower is being confident, and helping others unlock their own self confidence. I feel like when we’re confident, life is a little brighter, a little easier, and a little more fun. It helps us grow. When we’re confident we’re more resilient, we’re open to try new things, we show up better in our relationships, and we perform better.

When I look back at when I was 20 years old and just graduated college with a Bachelor’s in Marketing, to where I am today, I needed to be bold, and find my confidence to get here.

I think I’m lucky in the sense that I’ve always had a level of confidence in myself. I was a shy kid, I didn’t really grow out of it until I was in College. Even though I was shy, I still had this sense of belief in myself that I think comes from my parents. My parents didn’t have a good relationship with each other, but they were good parents to me. They both believed in me and I always felt that. They made me feel like I could do anything that I put my mind to. And my dad kind of pushed me to be self employed because that’s the best way to make money. “Don’t work for someone else if you don’t have to.”

It was planted in my head as a young kid that I needed to take care of myself, and that I had the power to do so. That’s a pretty amazing thing for a kid to have. I am forever grateful to my parents for their love and support.

After I graduated college I was a little overly confident, or, naive. 🙂

I had a Bachelor’s degree and $80,000 of student loan debts, and I was ready for my $70,000/year job. I opened up the phonebook (yes!! I’m old enough to have used a phonebook!) turned to marketing agencies and started at A and called to see who was hiring.

Business: Thank you for calling (enter a Colorado-based marketing agency name here), how can I direct your call?

Me: Hi, I just graduated and I have a Bachelors in Marketing and I’m wondering if you’re hiring?

Business: We’re not, sorry.

Me: Ok, ummm, ok, thank you.

I called at least 15 companies and then I was on to the R’s. I called Red Rocket Media Group and you know what!? They weren’t hiring, but they were interested in having an Intern, and I got an interview. Woot woot!

Long story short, I become an Intern with Red Rocket Media Group in Windsor CO, and soon after became a paid employee. One of my jobs was to go to networking events and sell marketing materials like logos, brochures and websites. I was 21 years old, walking into rooms of 100+ business owners who had been doing this for years. I had no idea what I was doing! The owner of Red Rocket coached me, but one day she had to cut me loose and send me on my own.

I’ll never forget walking into my first networking event. It was eWomen Network, there were about 120 business women, and like 5 business men, in a ballroom in a Marriott in Fort Collins. I didn’t know anyone. I remember it in my head as if it was a movie scene. In my memory, two men open the double doors, and I see a room full of wildly successful people wearing ballgowns. Now, no one was in ballgowns, and two men didn’t open the doors for me, I just remember it this way. 🙂

I walked in the room and I remember thinking, “just smile”. And so that’s what I did, I smiled at EVERYONE. I found my seat and there was a lady there and I smiled and said hello and asked her what she did. I was terrified she would ask me what I did, because I was so nervous what if I said something stupid, so I just kept asking her questions. What I quickly learned is people love talking about themselves! She seemed so excited that I was asking her all these questions and my nervous quickly simmered down. We sat at our round tables and the guest speaker that night talked about…CONFIDENCE! It was such a coincidental topic.

The only thing I remember from the hour long presentation was to fake it till you make it.

I know there’s some controversy around that statement but for me, it’s helped me actually find my confidence. The next room I walked into, or a sales meeting I sat in, I just stood up straight, smiled, and acted like I knew what the hell was going on. I would put the focus on other people, let them talk, I listened and I learned that’s a really great way to do business. Listen, get to know the person, their family, their hobbies, their business and then they start wondering about you.

I started to make a lot of friends. And some I did business with. Faking my confidence, and letting other people talk while I genuinely listened, has possibly been the #1 thing that has supported me in every job and business I’ve had. It’s set me up for future success, that’s for sure.

About a year later, I was presenting to a group of 8 successful business women. I was honored they invited me to be the speaker for that month, I couldn’t believe they asked me to be honest. I showed up, gave some social media marketing tips, and at the end of my presentation all of us ladies were chatting. I was at least 20 years younger than everyone in the room, and you know what one woman said to me!?

“I’ll never forget the night I met you, Crystal. You walked into the ballroom at eWomen Network so confident. I remember looking at you thinking, “wow! she’s so confident!” and it made me want to sit with you. I remember you smiled at me and we chatted for a bit and you were so nice to talk to. I admired your confidence.”

WHAT?!?!?! MY confidence?! This was the same evening that I was TERRIFIED to go in that room. I was sweating so bad, scared everyone was judging me but the opposite happened. I couldn’t believe that was the story she shared with me. It’s pretty crazy how different the stories are in our heads, huh?

Confidence is something you have to keep working on. And I also think people can be overly confident and that’s not a good look. 🙂 I still get nervous before I get on stage, as you know from episode one of Crystal Uncorked I had so much fear to do this show and worried what people would think of me, and even just yesterday I sent three emails asking people to be a guest on my show and I had to really talk myself into hitting send!

I thought people would not want to do the show because I’m not sure what it is yet, and that it’s so new and not a lot of people but guess, what….two out of the three said yes within 5 hours and I’m waiting to hear an answer from the third. So that’s not too bad, right!? It’s actually very exciting.

I know I’ll need to bring a new level of confidence to Crystal Uncorked because it’s a new industry and I feel so inexperienced. I googled the topic of growing your self confidence and there’s A LOT online.

I liked these 5 tips from on how to boost your confidence:

  1. Stop Comparing Yourself! This is a big one for me, it’s so easy to get caught in this trap but you have no ideas people’s stories and how they got where they are so you just can’t compare. Plus if you’re comparing from what you see on social media, remember that people typically only share the good stuff. Smoking mirrors, people!
  2. Take Care of Your Body. Also a big one for me. When I’m tired, everything feels harder than it is and I have doubts in myself. Meditation always helps me, getting sleep and I’m working at being better with my diet and a consistent work-out plan.
  3. Practice Self-Compassion. Be nice to yourself!! If you find yourself thinking you can’t do something or you get down on yourself for making a mistake, flip that mindset! Which ties nicely into the next tip –
  4. Use the Power of Positive Self-Talk. Instead of “I can’t do that” or “that was a stupid mistake” say “I freaking CA do that! I’m fucking amazing!” or “at least I learned something new!” And remember, if you’re not winning, you’re learning, -Dan Sullivan.
  5. Embrace Self Doubt. People often put stuff off and wait to do something when they feel ready, when they feel confident. Instead, just fucking do it! Should that be Nike’s new slogan? 🙂 Face your fears, think of things like they’re an experience and just see what happens. Like I always say, get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

I was scared to send those three emails to have people be guests on this show. And I know I’ll be nervous in the future, but after I sent them I felt great. I felt excited, I was glad I pushed through.

In the beginning of this post I mentioned how my parents believed in me and I think that’s a big part of where my natural confidence came from. I also had to believe in myself.

I know what I bring to this world. I know what I have to offer and what I’m willing to give. So when I’m nervous or have fear creeping in, I try to remember that, and I try to be my own hype girl and say “you got this, girl! You’re on the right track. Your success is inevitble” and even just saying those things can turn fear into excitement.

Now there will be times you get knocked down, we all know this. I once had a speaking gig and the room hated me. It was SO weird. I gave the same presentation I have always given, with the same level of excitement and engagement and everyone was starring back at me with just mad faces. It was a room of all men over 50 which might have been part of it, they didn’t want to listen to this 20-something talk about social media, a tool they don’t want to know anything about.

But then why were they in the room?! I rather have an empty room than these mad faces. And trust me I wasn’t making it up, because the next morning the conference planner texted me to see if we could talk before my session. She said she was getting negative feedback from my seminar and asked if she could sit in my next session. I said “please sit in! I don’t know what’s going on but I’m asking questions, engaging the audience and they are just not interested, I don’t know what it is?” She sat in my seminar and left about 10 mins in, she came back after and said, “yeah you’re great, I don’t know what the problem is.”

That feedback rocked my confidence. My friend was in Dallas at the same time, which is where I was speaking, and we met up for a glass of wine so I could unload to her how mortified I was. Well, I ended up having a little more than a glass, because I was SO embarrassed and I didn’t know why they didn’t like me and I had to do it all over again the next day! It was painful. As you can imagine, I wasn’t asked back to speak and I’m glad I wasn’t, I would have said no. That audience didn’t resonate with me and/or my topic and that is SO ok. But it did take me some time to shake that one off, and I would be extra nervous to speak at some shows after that, but I got through it, because we always do.

I truly feel that one of my superpowers is sparking confidence in other people.

A big part of what I do at Crystal Media is help build confidence in my retailers, typically when it comes to using video for their marketing, or even just using social media in general. They didn’t grow up with this type of technlogy, they’re learning it and it can be hard to keep up with. Through my training people have overcame their fear of using social media, of setting up Facebook and Instagram ads, of live streaming…and they’ve seen some really amazing results.

Multiple people have told me I helped build their confidence when it comes to marketing online, to where they’ve even been in tears. That’s my favorite thing about what I do at Crystal Media. I love helping guide people, cheer them on, inspire them to take action but it’s still up to them to take action. When they do, they see results, they see it wasn’t so hard and they see that they survived! And for some, they turn into mini local celebrities, which is so fun for me to watch.

I think it’s important to continuously build our own confidence and believe in ourselves, as well as help others find their confidence too. When we have support, even just one person who believes in us, I think we’re more likely to take the leap and do whatever it is that is scaring us. So I want you to know, if you need someone to believe in you, someone to cheer you on, I’m here for you! DM (direct message) me on Instagram and I’ll be there for you.

Someone who has been there for me almost since I started Crystal Media is my mentor, Patricia Norins. She has built and sold multi-million dollar publications and is a 4th generation retailer. She has entrepreneurial blood and she’s going to share her wisdom and advice on the next Crystal Uncorked, so don’t miss it! I’ll see you, on the next CU. Cheers!

crystal vilkaitis - crystal uncorked